May 2012
1 post
technology
It’s so weird looking at life through a different lens now. Before, I took in the world’s beauty as an awe-inspiring creation of God. I thought that giving up that view would just make me depressed—that it is luck that we are here, and after we go there’s nothing anymore, we just cease to exist. But now, I’m finding perhaps this is even more amazing than divine...
April 2012
1 post
idk if i'm christian anymore.
Title says it all. My thoughts have been everywhere for the past few days to the point where it’s exhausting. This post is likely to not have any structure to it. Here goes.
I’m afraid to say if I’ve given up Christianity for good or not. I don’t think I have. Or at least, I don’t think I’ve given up the idea of a God. Jesus’ resurrection, the main point...
March 2012
2 posts
:)
So Tal-Ben Shahar came to speak about ‘positive psychology’—essentially, ways to make ourselves happier. And I gotta say, I think I’m coming to understand what he was talking about. Some of the main points he touched on were:
Give yourself permission to be human. Don’t reject negative emotions just because they’re socially ‘unacceptable’; allow...
what the fuck.
I know I’ll sound like a pussy for saying these bitchy lines, but I can’t fucking deal with this. I just can’t. Okay, whatever, I’ll suck it up and I’ll move on but for fucks sake just let me vent, okay? Stop judging me.
I’m struggling to forgive you for the shit you’ve put me through. I’m struggling with these fucking courses, whch are too fucking...
January 2012
1 post
of all times to be lucky
This is something that’s been on my mind lately, although I don’t really think it has much reason to be, nor do I think I should be wasting my time thinking about it. But regardless, I’m gonna tumblr it, just to get it out. So recently, I’ve been thinking about the enormity of our ‘decision’ (or lack of one, if you lean towards predestination) when it comes to...
December 2011
2 posts
not you guys too..
Do I have a problem keeping friends? Because I feel like I’m losing them left and right. Not that I am ever sure I had solid friendships in high school, but college too now? Come on.
I hate how you treat me. You call me your “friend” and yet you talk shit to me nonstop. You hurt me. You’ve made me cry and I’m sure that you know it, yet you never apologize. People say...
my postsecrets.
Whenever I come home from college, I feel like my family pays attention to how much time I spend alone during break rather than hanging out with ‘friends’ that I don’t really have.
When people make jokes about my height, I’ll laugh with them and pretend it’s okay. I doubt they know how much it makes me cry.
When I say I don’t want something for Christmas, I...
October 2011
2 posts
every week,
…do something that scares you.
Give me your eyes for just one second, Give me your eyes so I can see. Everything that I keep missing Give me your love for humanity. Give me your arms for the broken hearted The ones that are far beyond my reach. Give me your heart for the ones forgotten, Give me your eyes so I can see.
finally free.
It took somewhere between 3-4 years for me to do it, but everything’s finally gone. Deleted. Erased. Forever. I’m talking pictures, saved conversations, inside jokes, letters and poems and presents, phone numbers—everything’s permanently and completely deleted. I don’t know why I was holding on for so long; I guess part of me always wanted to know every “What...
September 2011
3 posts
reflections.
A lot has happened in the past three days. So much so that I’m having difficulty thinking of the best way to go about this post. Since I’m really not sure where to begin, I guess I’ll start chronologically.
So for the past few weeks, I’ve been talking more often with a certain someone (for the sake of anonymity, let’s call him Ben). Ben has/had been in our general...
u mad bro?
It seems I’m always on the fence of how much of a gamer I want to be. I miss competitive play. Watching DAT FREAKING L4D2 VOD—damn, man. Part of me wants so badly to be part of that kind of community. I enjoyed Halo like woah, and I’m not only talking about the female gamer attention (although it is nice). I liked being known for being good. But then again, when I look back at...
a whole lotta 'what'?
Church has been pretty damn awkward for the past few days. I don’t know many of the people there as closely as they all seem to know each other. So I linger on the side while people reconnect and hug happily after a summer apart, and then they give me a look like “Oh.. hey.. you,” and I just nod and be like “Hi.” Even worse when they try introducing themselves and...
July 2011
3 posts
trololol.
Seriously, I’m such a troll. I don’t even know why.
apologetic rambling.
No, this is not about apologizing in a remorseful sense. And no, this post will not make any rational sense. I’m just rambling. Now that the title is unnecessarily explained…
Ideas—but more often questions than abstract ideas—are scrambling through my mind right now that I wanted to get written down, if only for future reference since I’m bound to forget them.
...
I woke up this morning (read: afternoon) with an odd feeling of… heartache. Which makes no sense because I haven’t recently done anything of the sort to be in that position (read: have a boyfriend in the past however many years). Perhaps it’s my new song obsession, Ryan Cabrera’s “True”, that’s triggering this feeling. But yea, it sucks. I just really wish...
June 2011
3 posts
i'm STILL ALIVE!
The ending of Portal 2. Is perhaps. The best ending. To a video game. That I’ve ever played.
Ever.
That was so so so so so cuuute. The opera-esque, Spanish-speaking (?) choir of turrets was a bit odd, lol. Giant bass leopard-skinned turret was even moreso. But the rest was ADORABLE! Once it started showing sky and outside LIFE I was all “WHAAAT? REALLY? I’M GOING TO...
nostalgia--fuck you.
I don’t know why I have such a fucking difficult time letting go of the past. It’s over. It’s done. So MOVE THE FUCK ON. And yet, I find myself watching old fraps vids, or googling past names and leagues, or following (stalking?) people (more like ‘person’) that I know have long since forgotten about me. They’ve all moved on. They’re geeks and nerds and...
its {almost} my birthday!
17 minute countdown.
Not that I’m really counting or anything. As of the past few years I’ve been trying to care less about celebrating this oh so special day. It’s not that important—today I am 18 years and 364 days old, and the day after tomorrow I’ll be 18 years and 366 days old. What’s so great about the 365? And given the happiness equation, I feel like...
April 2011
2 posts
oh, You bring.
As of late I’ve really been struggling between the temptations of this world and living a life to praise God. Even reading the past few posts from here, I think it’s evident to see how I’m leading a double life. Half of me gets so much joy and peace and love from praising God and striving to please Him. The other half of me struggles with carnal lusts, drinking, and the desire...
dear faculty advisor,
You can kiss my indecisive ass.
Sincerely, Me.
February 2011
2 posts
a heavy life.
He said his name was John.
We noticed him across the street, standing next to a pile of trashcans, hands in pocket, hood over his head. As we started crossing, I thought I saw him look up at us, but then he quickly averted his gaze. But when we went up to him and introduced ourselves, and moreover when we gave him a bag of food, his solid, stubbled face broke into a smile.
He told us his story.
...
lifting my hands and spinning around!
Yesterday was the first time I ever took communion at a church that wasn’t my home church. But it sure feels like home. It was the first service of the semester, and I think I can literally say “Oh my God”, because it was amazing. PR talked about getting to know the Holy Spirit as a person rather than some abstract being, how it was “advantageous” for us to have Jesus...
January 2011
1 post
oh, nostalgia!
I hate you.
Moods like this leave me completely lost. Part of me wants to go out and meet a complete stranger. Another part of me wants to stay in and cuddle with the sappiest chick flick I can find. But when it all boils down… man. I just feel lonely. This isn’t to say that I’m looking for a relationship. To be honest I’m not sure if that’s even close to what I want...
December 2010
4 posts
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.
I love it when the people I’m mad at are fat. Because then in my head, I can just continually mock them for their fatness, and by some odd connection of neurons in my brain, this gives me satisfaction. I also like it when they’re ugly, slobby, disliked by others, incompetent at life, and all other condescending attributes because that just makes it all the more better.
That’s...
nbd.
It’s okay. You guys can leave me out. I sort of knew you were lying at first, haha. But it’s alright. I’d feel better this way than if you awkwardly tried to put me back in. Don’t worry about it, it’s nbd.
That much is true.
But ‘feel better’ is pretty relative; you can ‘feel better’ than a pile of shit, and still feel like shit. That’d...
mist.
I don’t know what you’re doing, but just know you’ve broke me down. What used to make sense to me is now nowhere to be found. I’m loving your attention—do you crave it like me too? I’ve never felt so shallow. Guess that’s what substance’ll do. But now we’re sending signals, mixed with every shade of flirt. You’re on, I’m off, we...
like a boss!
This past week has made me feel so.. “pro”, I guess. Or, to float by a lonely island, “like a boss!” It started with Sunday and Monday being full of, you guessed it, BME. I should probably get used to that feeling. But yes, those days were spent doing hours of work on our presentation, delivered Monday afternoon; and one of my presentations went straight to the head of the...
November 2010
3 posts
i'm backwards.
It’s the final day of Thanksgiving break (I’ll be catching the bus back in a matter of 10 hours) it feels… odd. Over the past few days I was able to meet up with the highschool gang, but for some reason, meeting up wasn’t what I had expected it to be. It was as if we were distanced or something. I mean to begin with, we never really were that close; it was always the...
fuck.
if i could ask of you one thing, it would be this plea. release me from your grasp, let me drift free.
because every post was starting to sound...
I feel like I want to post more about my day-to-day experiences here, and the stuff I’m learning and the mini-adventures we have, instead of all night-life-related stories.
So here it goes. And this one’s starting off with another night-life one.
HARRY POTTER SEVEN came out. That was awesome; we took the shuttle to the theater around 7:30PM, stood in line at 8:45, just chilled in the...
September 2010
1 post
it's here, and it's great.
For a moment, I found myself reminiscing again. Just thinking about the past, visiting old websites and forums I used to go to and reading my old posts, looking people up on facebook to see where they’re going and what they’ve done, etc. I tend to do this a lot.
There’s plenty I miss from the past. People that I no longer keep in touch with; memories I wish I could relive since...
August 2010
2 posts
so it goes.
you raise me up, so i can stand on mountains. you raise me up, to walk on stormy seas. i am strong when i am on your shoulders. you raise me up, to more than i can be.
hello tumblr.
It’s a few minutes past midnight, so as expected, I’m too lazy to make anything of substance for this first post. Instead, I’ll just ramble. That is, after all, what my main purpose of creating this tumblr is.
I haven’t blogged online in awhile; that whole Xanga phase died somewhere in middle school. So inbetween, I’ve taken to journaling sporadically (read:...