my sky is falling.

of all times to be lucky

This is something that’s been on my mind lately, although I don’t really think it has much reason to be, nor do I think I should be wasting my time thinking about it. But regardless, I’m gonna tumblr it, just to get it out. So recently, I’ve been thinking about the enormity of our ‘decision’ (or lack of one, if you lean towards predestination) when it comes to religion. For something that’s HUGE, as in, ETERNAL sort of huge, it seems absolutely crazy that we can make ONE decision that will affect us ETERNALLY.

And then when I look at some people I know, I feel like this decision is pretty much, well, luck. I know that in reality, God is sovereign, so there is no luck involved and whatnot. Which I guess would then lead in well to predestination. But really, how many people take on the same religion as their parents? And how many people eschew religion because of their parents? I know that I fall into one of those categories, my roomate into the latter, etc. Then when you take into account ethnicities, or wealth, or all these other ‘epigenetic’ sort of factors, you’ll see even more patterns. If by some sort of luck (or karma perhaps, lol) you were born into an Indian family living in India, there’s a higher chance you’ll be Hindu. Or Chinese, Buddhist. See where I’m going?

And then besides that, I feel like the doubts I struggle with now aren’t a universal sort of thing. By some sort of ‘luck’ (sovreignty, I know… just allow the term for now), my brain is incredibly more skeptic than others’. I have a really hard time accepting certain things that others cling to naturally. And then there’s the opposite of this too—in particular, I’m thinking of the rather outspoken, generally more extremist people (such as those embarassing Youtubes) that openly preach Christianity in a way that sounds, well, uneducated to say the least. In the least judgmental way possible, I guess a cliched sort of stereotype as an example for this part would be Bible belt fanatics. People that I feel are more inclined to accept things as truth, and then stand firmly by their beliefs.

Having just typed up that paragraph I feel like a hypocrite. I’m a sinner, I know. I have no right to be passing judgment on others, lest I be judged the same. It’s just been one of the few things on my mind that make me wonder whether I’m holidng onto Christianity because it’s been something instilled in me, or because I know it’s true. I personally think I have a lot less faith than others. And sometimes I feel like maybe I’m only holding onto Christianity because I’m afraid of Hell. Which I guess would trace back to the reasons why I typed the first paragraph here.

I don’t know. This is all really confusing to me.