i’m backwards.
It’s the final day of Thanksgiving break (I’ll be catching the bus back in a matter of 10 hours) it feels… odd. Over the past few days I was able to meet up with the highschool gang, but for some reason, meeting up wasn’t what I had expected it to be. It was as if we were distanced or something. I mean to begin with, we never really were that close; it was always the original seven (even though I was sort of there in the beginning), +2. Conversations didn’t feel as inclusive as they did back at college. I got annoyed at some people for their old tendencies (pathological liars, anyone?), and was disappointed at new ones (smokers, partiers, you name it). And while it was fun to see familiar faces, I feel like we didn’t really reconnect. I was staring through the window to a time and friendship that seemed more of a memory than reality.
Meanwhile, I’m really excited to go back. But it makes me feel a little off. Everyone there is probably feeling horrible about the idea of leaving their friends again; I feel neutral about it. In fact I’d say the people back at college are more fun, more accepting, and although sometimes equally as irritating, I like being around them more anyways. And so, I pose the question (with the exception of having a house and family here): Am I going ‘away’, or am I going ‘home’?
I guess it’s pretty much a bummer that the people I know here most likey aren’t going to be the type that I’ll have lifelong relationships with. I feel like often I’m invited to join them out of obligation, or need of someone who can drive, rather than geniunely enjoying my company. Let me rephrase: it’s not just a ‘bummer’, it really ‘sucks’. Sure I want to hang around longer at home and talk with my family and friends, but I haven’t had a full talk with anyone at all yet. No one knows pretty much any of the stories and experiences I’ve had, with the exception of my best friend, and maybe a few others (as sad as it is, this includes online and such). And most of what I’ve gleamed from hanging out with my friends are stories that involve drinking/smoking, or just pure lies (again, that pathological liar…you annoy me to no end).
Maybe this is another reason why I feel like this hometown is so boring. There’s not a lot of fun.
button
