nbd.
It’s okay. You guys can leave me out. I sort of knew you were lying at first, haha. But it’s alright. I’d feel better this way than if you awkwardly tried to put me back in. Don’t worry about it, it’s nbd.
That much is true.
But ‘feel better’ is pretty relative; you can ‘feel better’ than a pile of shit, and still feel like shit. That’d be me.
I sometimes wonder what would’ve happened if I had never asked to have been taken off that email chain, millions of years ago (aka maybe 4-5). It seems like all of you have become exclusive through those emails, sharing stories and making plans to meet up, keeping everyone else out if they’re not in the chain. Which sucks. Because I feel like you all forgot that I was even there in the beginning, and that I still consider you all my core group of friends. Even back then I felt torn between you guys and another group; every year it had been the same way. And then when I started missing out on a lot of things, I felt like I had to chase you guys, give up things and people in my life then in exchange to spending more time and trying to fit in. But maybe even then it was too late; maybe the whole time it had been a lost cause. And maybe in all those years, I really was as much of a loner as I thought I was.
I mean, what kind of ‘friends’ forgets about includng other ‘friends’ in Christmas.
And note that I didn’t pose that as a question.
Bring me back to college.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.
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