oh, You bring.
As of late I’ve really been struggling between the temptations of this world and living a life to praise God. Even reading the past few posts from here, I think it’s evident to see how I’m leading a double life. Half of me gets so much joy and peace and love from praising God and striving to please Him. The other half of me struggles with carnal lusts, drinking, and the desire to get the “full college experience”.
The problem is, this can’t be a compromise. It’s one or the other. As C.S. Lewis puts it in Screwtape Letters, religion is an all-or-nothing thing. You either fully devote youself to God, or you don’t. During worship today, a few phrases in particular stuck out to me:
Your love, your love, is better than life. - Chris Tomlin, “Kindness”
Jesus, you’re everything I need. - Hillsong, “Oh You Bring”
I want so badly to sing these lines and shout a solid AMEN to them. I want to be so close to God, to feel His presence and be filled with His love, that I wouldn’t need anything else from this world—just Him. I want to be one of those strong Christians who stand immovable in their faith and live a life knowing what their purpose is.
But though the mind is willing, the flesh is weak. So weak. And I have doubts, which I don’t know will ever go away. The scientist in me demands absolute proof for every claim; the Christian in me knows that faith is a necessary part of believing. I’ve been dry for so long..
Lord. Please renew me. Please convict me to change. Please fill me with your love and guide my thoughts with your wisdom. Help me to return back to you and dwell in your presence. Help me to live a life that brings you glory.
And please help me hold onto this desire beyond just this Sunday.
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