a whole lotta ‘what’?
Church has been pretty damn awkward for the past few days. I don’t know many of the people there as closely as they all seem to know each other. So I linger on the side while people reconnect and hug happily after a summer apart, and then they give me a look like “Oh.. hey.. you,” and I just nod and be like “Hi.” Even worse when they try introducing themselves and I’m like “Yea, I’ve met you before, thanks…” I guess it’s probably my fault for not being as outgoing and reaching out to them, but it makes me wonder. Why is this—meaning getting along with others in Christian settings—always so difficult for me (see: CTF). I mean, ideally these are supposed to be the most welcoming communities, and individually every person is always super nice, but I always feel.. out of place? And it’s starting to affect my worship, cause today he had us pray for the people next to us. Guess who was next to me—oh right, no one.
Now I’m gonna take a 180. Because I can. My rambling tumblr, gtfo.
I don’t know if I’ll ever come to accept the fact of how freaking short I am. At the frat house last night I felt like no one wanted to dance with me because apparently everyone in that frat is 6 feet tall. IMO, it’s a height thing, nothing else. I could be the ugliest chick alive, but if some unfortunate dude is 5’0” he’d dance with me. This might just be me trying to console myself, but ffs I hate being short. The whininess of this paragraph pisses me off, but whatever. I already know I’m a bit pathetic.
Another 180. Perhaps more like a 90 now.
Idk what to do with my life. Summer 2012—internship? Research? Abroad? Volunteering? Past that—majors? Minors? Double major? Focus area? Even further—grad school? GRE’s? What the fuck do I do? I think that this “what” is much too complicated to be covered in this tiny post.
K, that’s about it for now I guess. Tbh I just wanted to write something, filler or not, since it’s been quite awhile since the last update.
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