u mad bro?
It seems I’m always on the fence of how much of a gamer I want to be. I miss competitive play. Watching DAT FREAKING L4D2 VOD—damn, man. Part of me wants so badly to be part of that kind of community. I enjoyed Halo like woah, and I’m not only talking about the female gamer attention (although it is nice). I liked being known for being good. But then again, when I look back at that league, I realize how much time I lost for practicing, tourneys, etc—ie, leaving church early for Sunday matches, and how all my friends knew that’s what I was doing, or having friends over and playing a match (I distinctly remember playing and getting banned for not frapping, while Mindy and someone else were in my room watching Super Sweet 16).
Not that there’s anything different between practicing and competiting in an online ‘sport’ as compared to a real life one—there’s just that huge amount of social stigma involved with it. Of people who will be like “Online v IRL, haha get outside more you nerd.” Why? What if it’s what I like doing, and what I want to continue doing? Sometimes I wish I lived in Korea just so this hobby would be more accepted.
There’s those moments where you feel… victorious. And it’s more than just victory. It’s like, “Wow.. I can actually do this. Damn.” Those times when people stop seeing you as some ‘haha chick gamer’ and realize you can actually DO shit, too. Like winning first round in 25-kill, 50% sniper slayer; then going up against the TOP SHIT of the league and LEADING in the beginning (only to lose, but hey it was a respectable score xD). Times like that I miss. And when I see those times in the VoDs (like holy SHIT those smoker pulls); hot damn. I can just imagine that feeling. That victory.
Sure, gaming requires a whole lotta time and dedication if you want to get good; and during all that time you’ll have to endure the criticism and laughter of people who latch onto that social idea that videogames are for ugly, socially inept geeks that live in their mom’s basement and have no life, job, or friends. And even if I could endure that, I know my academic schedule doesn’t allow the time.
But.. fuck. Sometimes I wonder if I’m missing out on pursuing what I feel is really my passion.
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